


Desperate

by ImmortalAcorn



Series: Memories of Draco Malfoy [21]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Arguing, Auror Harry Potter, Love/Hate, M/M, Memories, POV Draco Malfoy, Secret Relationship, Sex, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 17:24:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalAcorn/pseuds/ImmortalAcorn
Summary: I grappled with his clothes, wanting to get it off.He pulled harder.His thigh was between my legs. I moved, desperate.He pushed down my trousers, turned us around, put his hand between my shoulder blades and pressed there.My face felt hot against the desk and my back cold as my shirt was rucked up under my arms.His fingers stroked down.‘No,’ I caught his wrist. I didn't want gentle.





	Desperate

I was looking for an announcement everywhere. The announcement.

It was a month and there was nothing.

I felt embarrassed.

Thankfully, no one saw me furiously perusing the pages every morning.

I had absolutely no right to be jealous.

He could do whatever he pleased. With whomever he wanted.

I didn’t care then and I didn’t care after.

No.

I was lying to myself.

I cared too much.

 

***

I knocked on his door.

It wasn’t even my mandatory Ministry visit.

‘Yes?’ I heard from inside.

I lost all my judgement. It just left me somewhere along the way.

That was why I was slowly descending into madness.

He was sitting hunched over his desk.

He looked startled.

I was too.

‘Malfoy?’ he scrunched up his forehead.

‘I was thinking,’ I started, ‘about the friend thing?’

‘What?’ he asked.

‘Us being friends. You suggested it, remember?’

‘Um, yeah,’ he put down his quill. ‘You said no.’

‘I said I doubted we could ever be friends,’ I disagreed.

‘And that is different how?’

I sat down opposite him.

I was not even thinking about what I was saying any more. ‘Just because _I_ don’t have faith in it, doesn’t mean it _can’t_ happen.’

He looked bewildered. ‘So, now you want to be friends.’

‘Yes.’ No.

‘I don’t understand it… you,’ he said.

‘I didn’t expect you to, you were always obscenely slow.’

He glared at me. It was a good look on him.

‘I don’t know, you might have been right. I’m not sure if I believe in it either,’ he spoke after a passing silence.

‘Why did you suggest it then?’ I asked, irritated by his refusal.

‘Because…’ he hesitated. ‘I don’t know.’

I stood up. ‘Then let’s do what we used to do before.’

Oh no.

‘What? _You_ ended it.’ He was looking up at me with an angry frown.

‘So? Now I want to start again,’ I didn’t know who I was trying to hurt more. Me or him.

Or someone else.

I had no idea what I was doing.

It got livid quiet quickly.

‘It doesn’t work like that, Malfoy! You can’t yank me around to your fancy. Not any more.’

‘I yanked _you_ around? You have some fucking nerve, Potter!’

‘Me? I wasn’t the one to start the whole mess and then dictate everything!’

‘I remember it differently. Do stay delusional in your little happy world, I don’t care, but don’t blame this all on me. We were both present in that fucking relationship.’

‘Drop the relationship and you’ll get what it _actually_ was.’

‘Oh, yes, my mistake. Excuse my poor choice of words. I hope I didn’t offend your delicate sensibilities.’

‘But you did! You think I’ll bend over whenever you like?’

‘You used to! Why should it be any different now?’

‘Because we are done! Those are your exact words. And I’m not going to stand around, waiting, if you ever want a shag!’

‘Like you _ever_ did! I bet you fucked around all the time!’

‘And what if I did? It’s none of your business, is it? Not like you even cared, about _anything_!’

‘No, you’re right. I didn’t care then and I don’t care now. But don’t insult me more than you’ve already done!’

‘Fuck you! You are such an arrogant spoiled brat on top of being a coward and a hypocrite, of course. Coming here like nothing happened!’

My trance was broken. It was horrible to hear those words.

I knew they were true, I thought them too.

I knew it was me.

Coward.

But it was so much worse when someone else spoke it.

It was real then.

He was standing in front of me, seething.

I was furious and my breathing was quick and shallow.

‘You know what, Potter? Fuck you too.‘

I turned around to leave.

‘And there you go,’ Potter spat behind my back.

‘Who is she?’ I blurted, looking at the door.

‘Who is who?’ he shouted. ‘God! I've had seriously enough of this!’ There was a thump. ‘You don’t make any sense. Once you’re hot then you’re cold, you kiss me and then you want to kill me, you want to talk but then you’re silent… Do you have any idea how exhausting it is?’

‘Yes, because you exhaust me too.’ I glowered at him.

‘Then why the fuck do we even argue about this, Draco?’ he exhaled, his anger lingering.

My name from his lips. That has done me in.

Pathetic.

I stalked back, grabbed him by his robes and kissed him.

It was rough and violent and disturbing.

He didn’t pull back though.

He gripped my hair and wrenched my head back.

He bit my throat.

I gasped because it hurt.

Because it hurt so good.

He moved down my neck, to my shoulder. His fingers holding back the fabric and biting there too.

I grappled with his clothes, wanting to get it off.

He pulled harder, so I was looking up at the ceiling.

His thigh was between my legs. I moved against him. Desperate.

He released my hair and went to open my trousers. I did the same, panting in his ear.

He pushed them down, turned us around, put his hand between my shoulder blades and pressed there.

My face felt hot against the desk and my back cold as my shirt was rucked up under my arms.

His fingers stroked down between my cheeks.

‘No,’ I caught his wrist. I didn't want gentle.

He leaned down on my back and pushed one finger inside.

He whispered in my ear. ‘I wish I could hate you just as much as you hate me.’ I _keened_. ‘I wouldn’t care if you liked it then.’ Two fingers. ‘But unfortunately, I don’t.’ I could feel the remaining anger in his voice.

I wanted to argue. To say something.

The truth maybe.

I didn’t.

Instead, I spread my legs wider and pushed back.

Again and again.

Finally his fingers were replaced and he fucked me.

Hard and fast and rough and burning.

It was nothing delicate or loving.

But I felt blissful and oh, so good.

He touched, twisted his fist around me. The movements unrelenting and strong.

And I wanted more. Needed more.

I moved against him, into him, taking it and taking more.

He seized my hair again and pulled, bent over me, moaned in my ear.

Moaning my name and hitting hard, right there.

It was unbearable.

It was flawless.

He panted on top of me afterwards. Our skin sticking together with sweat.

‘What is this, Draco? What are we doing?’ he interrupted the silence as we dressed.

‘I don’t know.’

I didn’t. It was twisted and sick.

And yet it was heavenly too.

No matter how fast and far I ran, no matter how many lies I told myself, no matter if I wanted to be done with it, I recognised then that I could never be done with him.

No matter how hard I tried.

No matter what.

No matter who.

 


End file.
